When other pets grieve: helping a dog or cat after a companion dies

When two animals share a home, the death of one can change the life of the other. This page explains what veterinary schools say about dogs and cats who seem to grieve a companion: the changes owners report, when those changes need a veterinarian, and what you can do at home. It relies on published guidance from Cornell University, the University of Florida and the Ohio State University Veterinary Medical Center. For the wider picture of remembering a pet, start with the main guide to pet memorial portraits.

Why a surviving pet may change

The University of Florida College of Veterinary Medicine says it is not unusual for other pets in the home to appear to grieve the one who died. It gives two reasons. The death of any family member, human or animal, changes how the household works. And pets that have lived together can become as bonded to each other as they are to their people. Many animals, the school says, go through a period of adjustment.

The Ohio State University Veterinary Medical Center lists several possible causes for a surviving pet's changes. The change may be a response to the loss itself. It may be a reaction to the owners' sadness, or to changes in the daily routine that follow the death. Or it may come from an underlying medical problem. Because these causes can look alike, the veterinary schools ask owners to watch closely and to call the veterinarian when something lasts or worries them.

Ohio State also describes which animals may react most. It says these reactions may be more common in species such as dogs, and in individual animals with complex social lives or a strong need for company. A pet that often looked to the other pet for direction may struggle the most.

Changes that owners report

The three schools describe a similar set of changes. The table groups them.

The University of Florida adds that some animals show no signs of grief at all after the death of another pet. It says that for pets, as for people, grief is an individual process.

When to call your veterinarian

Grief and illness can look the same in an animal. Cornell University's College of Veterinary Medicine says lasting changes in behaviour should be checked by a veterinarian, because they may come from a physical illness rather than grief.

The University of Florida gives a time frame. If your pets show physical symptoms or behaviour that concerns you, or if the signs last more than a couple of days to a week, it says a visit to your veterinarian is needed to rule out illness or disease. It adds that a pet's reaction to the loss should improve as the days and weeks go by. If it does not, or if the pet stops eating, contact your veterinarian, because medication or other treatment may be needed.

Ohio State marks one point as an important health alert: if a cat stops eating, this can be a medical emergency. If a dog or cat stops eating, it advises contacting your family veterinarian as soon as possible.

Cornell says it may take weeks to months for things to return to normal, and asks owners to be patient. It also names a pet that is not eating or drinking, or that has changes in urination or accidents in the house, as a reason for a veterinary exam.

Keep the routine the same

The first piece of advice from all three schools is to keep the day predictable. The University of Florida says not to change a pet's basic routine any more than is needed. Feeding, grooming and sleeping times should stay as close as possible to what they were before, because changes in routine only add to a pet's confusion. Cornell also lists a steady daily routine among its main suggestions for surviving pets.

This can be hard in the first days after a loss, when the household is upset and plans change. If you can, ask another family member to keep the feeding and walking times while you look after other things.

Let the pet decide how much attention it wants

The University of Florida describes a common situation. Owners often want to be closer to their remaining pets after a loss. But the pets do not always welcome more holding, cuddling or petting than they are used to. The school advises against pushing attention onto a pet that does not want it. If a pet does seek close contact, it suggests making time for it.

Cornell suggests reassurance and doing things the pet enjoys. For some animals that means a longer walk. For others it means a quiet evening on the sofa.

Exercise and play

The University of Florida suggests more chances for exercise and play, and says this will be good for both pet and owner. It also suggests rewarding calm, relaxed behaviour, and leaving a television or radio on when you go out.

Ohio State agrees that exercise relieves stress for a pet and can also help an owner's own grief. It advises talking with your pet's veterinarian, and with your own doctor, before starting a new exercise program.

Ohio State's guide also describes calming products that release pheromones, which are scent signals that animals give off. It names a product that copies a signal nursing mother dogs release, and one made for cats. It says many veterinarians and pet shops carry these products. Ask your veterinarian whether one suits your pet.

Homes with more than one surviving pet

When one animal dies in a home with several, the others may need to sort out how they relate to each other. Ohio State advises watching for changes in the relationships between the surviving pets, especially if one of them used to follow the pet who died.

Its guidance is to let the animals work out their own relationships, as long as there is no fighting. It advises against punishing or scolding animals for how they treat each other, because this can raise anxiety, fear and aggression. It suggests rewarding good behaviour instead, and interrupting unwanted behaviour with a command or a new activity.

Your own mood matters

The University of Florida says animals are good at picking up on their people's moods, and that some of a pet's reactions may be a response to your stress or anxiety. Ohio State lists distress at the owners' sadness among the possible causes of a surviving pet's changes.

The University of Florida mentions that many people find it helpful to keep crying and deep sadness for times when their pets are elsewhere. Owners still need a place for their own grief. Our page on grieving a pet explains why owners need their own support, and our page on pet loss support lists free helplines.

Record what happens while you are out

Some changes only happen when a pet is alone. Ohio State suggests setting up a video camera or other device to record the pet's behaviour while you are away. A short recording can help your veterinarian see what you cannot.

Another animal as a companion

Some owners wonder whether a new animal would comfort a pet who has lost a friend. The University of Florida says you are the best person to answer this, and suggests some questions to think about:

• Is your pet used to having other animals around?
• Would another pet help your current pet get more activity and exercise?
• If your pet is now the only one, how much time will it spend alone?
• Are you and your family ready to commit to another pet?

Ohio State reminds owners that a new animal never replaces the one who died, and advises waiting until the whole family has had time with its grief. It suggests talking with your veterinarian about the needs and temperament of the surviving pet before choosing a new one.

Remembering pets who lived together

Families who lost one of two close companions sometimes want a memorial that honours the bond between them. A photo of the two animals side by side can go in a memory box or scrapbook, both of which Ohio State lists among memorial ideas. A portrait of the pet who died can hang near the spot where the pair used to rest. Our page on choosing a photo for a memorial portrait explains how to find the right picture, and the gallery shows finished portraits of dogs and cats.